‘I don’t think they understand the impact this has had’: Grieving mothers upset at items being taken from her son’s grave

By Monique Preston

Jan 24, 2023

Upset families: Laurence Delai, 11, Fiona Delai, Coby Hutchins and Ash Napolitano are upset items have been removed from graves at Pine Lodge cemetery. Photo by Rechelle Zammit

Shepparton families have been left heartbroken after ornaments, children’s toys, plants and photos were removed from the graves of loved ones at Pine Lodge cemetery at the weekend.

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Mothers Ash Napolitano and Coby Hutchins were devastated after seeing a post on social media about items that had been removed from lots of graves at the cemetery as part of a “clean-up” of the grounds.

When they went to look, they discovered their children’s graves were among the ones that had had items removed.

For Fiona Delai, whose son is buried in the same area, it was like a horrible déjà vu.

She had a similar issue with the cemetery – then under different management - in 2016.

Back then, families were sent a letter telling them to remove items from graves or they would be removed for them.

This time there was no letter and no notice, with many families finding out after the fact what had happened on social media.

Ms Napolitano and partner Matt Boyle’s two-year-old son Hunter Boyle was buried in a children’s section of the cemetery.

Hunter drowned two-and-a-half years ago.

Ms Hutchins and partner Khale Scott’s daughter Isla-Mae Scott was stillborn in May 2019 when Ms Hutchins was 37 weeks pregnant.

Mrs Delai’s and husband Phillip’s boy Luke and his twin Laurence were born prematurely 11 years ago, with Luke dying when he was just seven days old.

All three children are buried in the Gumnut Grove section of the cemetery.

For the families, it is the fact that there was no notice before items were removed from the graves that has upset them the most.

For Hunter, teddies, toy trucks and motorbikes and a photo frame were among the items taken.

Isla-Mae’s grave had a little fenced-in garden that had been put there by her family and included growing flowers, flower whirly winds and other ornaments.

The garden was dismantled and only a few ornaments were left.

Luke’s grave was mainly untouched, but some Christmas baubles were missing, however, a cow ornament was taken from Mrs Delai’s father’s grave in a different part of the cemetery.

It does not make Mrs Delai any less upset that this is happening again though.

The mothers said most of the graves in their little section of the cemetery had items removed.

Stark: Ash Napolitano at her son Hunter Boyle’s grave. She is holding some of the items that were removed from the grave. Photo by Rechelle Zammit

The area includes the grave of Angel Baby – a baby boy who was left at a bus shelter in Grahamvale and found dead in a recyclable shopping bag in 2008.

All three mothers said they had left flowers and other items at Angel Baby’s grave over the years, but all of these had also been cleared.

The three families have left toys, flowers and other items on their children’s graves as they commemorated birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas.

They also said they made a point of not putting items on the grass, only in the garden bed, so the area could still be mowed without any problems.

“This is heartbreaking,” Ms Hutchins said.

“They could have let us know. We would have removed it.

“How could someone come in and take these things — especially in the children’s section?

“It wasn’t hurting anyone. It was neat and tidy.”

Ms Napolitano was angry and disappointed in those who decided to remove most of the items on Hunter’s grave.

“I don’t think they understand the impact this has had,” she said.

“This is my son’s toys.

“Who are they to decide they are no longer valuable?

“We’re already grieving our children, then to have this.

Empty: Coby Hutchins kneels at her daughter Isla-Mae Scott’s grave. She and her partner had built a living garden to decorate the grave, but it has been removed. Photo by Rechelle Zammit

“It may not mean anything to anyone else, but it means the world to us.”

All three women liked the Gumnut Grove area as it was, with each grave a mix of toys, flowers and ornaments.

“People say it’s a business, but it’s also our loved ones. It’s our children,” Ms Napolitano said.

“You don’t run a business disrespecting graves.”

Mrs Delai labelled what had happened “disgusting and ridiculous”.

“It looked nice out here with trinkets,’’ she said.

“They’re babies. It just showed how much they’re loved and not forgotten.’’

Remembrance Parks Central Victoria, runs the Pine Lodge cemetery.

In a statement to The News, its chief executive Emma Flukes said the organisation “encouraged families to remove precious items before they deteriorate”.

Ms Flukes said there had been no recent decision to change the “long-standing adornment policy”, with the current one in place since 2017.

“What we have done is increase our focus on the general upkeep and appearance of our remembrance parks based on community feedback and to address a range of safety issues and this is why we need to apply the adornments policy consistently,” she said.

Ms Flukes said the organisation asked people to not place items across other people’s graves, not leave high-risk items such as alcohol, not place items on trees or shrubs, and not place breakable items of glass, terracotta or ceramics on grave sites.